THERE IS NO WAY TO AVOID PEEING ON YOUR OWN LEGS

Magormissabib tried; he tried all the angles and velocities like starting out timid and working up to a sensible roar.

Tippytoes, prepisspisses to keep the bladder calm, meditation, muscle relaxants.

Magormissabib once pissed his whole bag thru a searing trickle, took him seven earthly minutes and still registered the tiny touches of warm ricocheted discharge on his shinskins.

Magormissabib moved his toes in discomfort; he imagined the lamina of his daily peeings able to survive his shower routine and eventually permeate the blood and enter the brain.

It didn’t seem to matter if he aimed for the water or porcelain, nor his hand placement round his piece, nor the lights on or no.

The putting on of pants didn’t mitigate, even in the rare material that expunged both the sight of, and the sound of, and the touch of rebounding piss there was none yet that could eliminate the memory of it, and Magormissabib’s imagination always supplied the missing sense-datum. Why? Magormissabib once wondered aloud.

Magormissabib once micturated into a partially empty 2L cola bottle and poured the resulting beverage into his toilet bowl mere centimeters from the rim and still–still!–those tickles of tinkle–impossibly he felt them!

Once a dollop touched him and with it the absolute insanity of life, like the morning he discovered he couldnt escape his own skull due to his fear of death and Magormissabib nearly died screaming while he looked for a rock to open it. Magormissabib would never until he regained his sanity two days later recreate urine ever again.

In the hospital a nurse stood present to ensure he was releasing.

That’s why Magormissabib only pees outdoors now, not that he doesn’t know that the winds fetch what you throw, or that his secretions would anyway land on items of his environs, like a fox or a pinecone, that will eventually make their intransigent way into his ankle sock.

No Magormissabib was aware that no matter could be destroyed so the universe was one with his pissings and him the pisser. He learned that his purpose was p

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